all-natural

I ate grits for breakfast a few days ago. There was a rock involved. I have not eaten breakfast since.

Bulk smash.

I am STILL pissed about those fake peanut butter puffs.

I bought a giant box of fake cornflakes yesterday for like a dollar.

They suck, too! But I think it's because corn flakes suck.

Shades of Brown

I bought this cereal because it was $2. AND IT WAS THE LAST BOX. It is the generic version of a breakfast cereal marketed by a company whose candy I no longer eat due to ethical obligations that I judge people (read: you) for not upholding. More on the cereal in a paragraph or two.


I took this photo with my cell phone. I take all my photos with my cell phone these days. (A brief aside: I'm told that my generation prefers the sound of mp3s to that of higher-fidelity formats. Since the non-mp3s I encounter these days are such high-fidelity formats as cassettes, radio static and what I can remember of The Dope Show, this is an argument I'm unprepared to tackle. However, I buy the premise. I prefer cell phone photographs to the ones I see lazing about on museum walls and fading in and out on graphic design websites. There's just something about the format, MANNNNNNN. The low quality primitive. And raw, or whatever. IT SPEAKS TO ME.) So if you have complaints about the photos or whatever, I'd love to hear them. Tell me about the rule of thirds.


Anyway, this cereal fucking sucks. It is, to my immediate and ongoing dismay, inferior to the original. Not even worth writing about.

I have not been eating breakfast in any meaningful sense.

This morning I scooped out some peanut butter but then it got stuck in my throat and I felt like I was gonna die and then I gave up on peanut butter.

Today I will buy cereal at Aldi's and hope for the best.

pancake robot

I do not fear the future. I await it with open arms.

sorry

here's something to tide you over. next post will involve green pancakes.

What Do I Eat For Breakfast? from Bill Cosby on Vimeo.

WHO NEEDS BREAKFAST WHEN YOU HAVE BOWLING.

This is what oatmeal(ocracy) looks like

A sudden shift in my financial fortunes has led me to find solace in the bottom of a bowl of sugary, raisin-y sludge each morning. I attempted oatmeal pancakes but failed.

Lord Von Bloot-fast

i've been living in a pancake dreamworld. chocolate pancakes. oatmeal pancakes. pancakes without a proper milk substitute, using water and vanilla and extra sugars and cinnamon to make up the difference. the "soft focus" function on my phone's photoshop app (seriously, the future rules) can't do justice to my mood every saturday morning as i munch on griddle-speriments and watch SONIC X and CHAOTIC and NINJA TURTLES. last week sonic snubbed the president of the usa to see moonflowers on an island or something. and chaotic is a steaming pile of crazy. from the wiki, "there is no definite good or evil tribe, as both have different stories and interpretations of how the war began, with each tribe seeing the other as being evil"

no pomo.

pancake massacre

It is lunchtime, and therefore okay to take a break and post this.

The title of this post is wildly inappropriate given the appalling situation in Haiti right now. And while I know you're being inundated with ways to help, I don't really know any way out of giving you yet a few more options for helping those whom you've likely been ignoring for your entire life. I'm no expert, but the folks at CharityNavigator.org are. Trust them and give what you can.

And with that footnote out of the way, on to, you know, the important shit. That smirking pile of goop you see above is my first batch of pancakes in months, and my first failed batch in years. The batter was delicious and the final results were edible, but what went wrong? They were nothing like the triceratops-shaped sweetbreads of yesteryear, back when every Sunday was pancake day, and I could afford to spend like $30 a week on groceries. What was the difference?
1) This time, unable to find my secret recipe, I used the Joy of Cooking. Sometimes JoC makes for easy vegan substitutions, but this turned out thin batter. With a little more attention paid, and a few adjustments, I'm sure it would be fine, but it's safe to say that I am lazy and far from details-oriented if it's noon on Sunday and I just woke up.
2) "You know the secret, right?" My roommate insisted that the key to light, fluffy pancakes is to fry them in a shit-ton of oil. Far be it for me to turn down anything deep-fried (I once bought a FryBoy and battered up some Oreos immediately preceding a concert at the campus coffeeshop), but next time I'm going to return to imitating that greatest of pancake artists... Bavaglio. Not too much grease -- it should just add some color.

I once spent a week in the mountains of Spain, helping British ex-pats to crack open almond shells with a rock. Somehow my love of pancakes came up, and one of my hosts exclaimed, "Oh but they're so bad for you, aren't they? They're nothing but flour and sugar! You Americans and your sweets, no wonder everyone's fat!" Well, lady, I'm gonna make pancakes again, and this time they'll have chocolate chips.

Cookies.

"I ate cookie dough for breakfast. For dinner, cookies."
"For lunch?"
"For lunch, I had salad. Also cookies."

The ghost represents the cookies that are no longer with us.

Breathe.

I feel like crap. I made my breakfast/lunch fairly spicy in the hope that it would allow me to breathe. It did not.

Back to the copy machine.

New Years Day, 2010

We live in the future now. I thought everyone was lying about it because I still have to take the bus to work every day, but it's true. We're all wandering around in foil caps and eating cupcakes made from vegetables.

This is important: I went to NYC for NYE. Original, right? After some miscalculations, my cohort and I made a strategic decision to sooth our anxiety with vegan pastries from BabyCakes.

Did I eat these for breakfast? No. I ate a bagel with tofu-scallion "cream cheese." But that's not really the point. The point is that I took this photograph with my telephone. And then photoshopped it with my telephone. And uploaded it to Flickr with my telephone. And wrote this post... with my roommate's computer.

Future, guys. Future.